i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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