I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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