You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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