we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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