He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
