she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
