I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
