the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
