i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
