She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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