i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
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