Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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