the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
