You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Randomize
