dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
