so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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