there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
