At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
