I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
