I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
