I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
