If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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