I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
PANTIES FOUND
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
