he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
