I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
