I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
being pregnant is like rehab
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
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