Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
