the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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