Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I'm both gender and math confused
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
