Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
so much tequila, so little girl.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
