Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
