The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
