she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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