Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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