omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
