Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
