Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
