She's JV to your varsity
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Randomize
