I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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