he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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