I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
