He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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