there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I have already put on my inside pants.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
