okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
