Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
