I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
He passed out mid-signature
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
