My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
