I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
