I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
