Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
