we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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