Jerry, you need to find god
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
