do herpes really smell.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
